Sex and the single girl in the Oilsands City
Another Point of View appeared in Fort McMurray Today Sept, 20, 2006
By LARISSA LIEPINS
Today staff
Like many of you, I read the recent October 2006 Chatelaine story, Down & Dirty in Fort McMurray, with dismay.
Not because I'm one of those knee-jerk boosters who flat-out denies we live in a utilitarian boomtown with a healthy number of male oilsands workers who stave off the long hours and loneliness by spending their fat paycheques on drugs, booze, gambling, and hookers.
In fact, when I arrived one year ago, I thought I'd never seen a downtown with less character and charm: strip malls and parking lots as far as the eye could see. And living downtown, I've witnessed many a drug deal and dodged dozens of crackheads and drunks.
But I've never felt threatened; I actually feel safer walking at night in McMurray than I do in my hometown, Toronto.
I've also learned to enjoy McMurray's many charms, like beautiful parks and trails, small-town friendliness and relief from big-city gridlock and crowds.
But back to that Chatelaine piece.
What really alarmed me was its portrayal of Fort McMurray's single women as heartless gold-diggers who won't date/bed a man until they know the size of his, ahem, salary.
In a breathtaking generalization, the reporter states that "every last guy in Fort McMurray claims to have been through a similar experience" of women bypassing the 'getting to know you' stage and heading straight for the wallet. That can't be, I thought: I know lots of single women here (all younger and prettier than I), and none is in the gold-digging business.
But my illusions were shattered last weekend at a popular restaurant's bar, when a friend-of-a-friend turned to me and asked, "You know what I hate about this f--king place?"
He had plenty of liquor in his system and gold in his pockets, he would later inform me.
"What's that?" I said, wincing.
"The fact that women, even some really f--king ugly chicks, come up to me in bars and ask where I work and how much I make."
"It's like, why the f--k would I wanna f--k you? I wanna yell!"
So it really does happen -- even to average-looking guys with no manners.
Let me be clear: At my age (in my 30s), it's been awhile since I walked into a bar and anyone did a double-take -- much less in a dance club aimed at 20-somethings like Cowboys, where the Chatelaine writer did much of his research. So, who am I to talk? What do I know about how young men and women hook up these days?
Well, I learned two things from that conversation: Apparently, some women do ask the money question. And in the process, they've helped to create at least one woman-hating creep.
God help us if there's many more like him out there.
But what the Chatelaine writer did not ask is, Why are women (who I presume are gainfully employed) doing it? What do they want, exactly, that they can't buy themselves?
It was my mother who taught me a thing or two about sex, money, and power.
To my teenaged self, she said: When you go on a date, pay your own way. If you don't, it's harder to say no if the guy demands something in return that you don't want to give.
Later, she gave the grownup version of that advice: that financial independence is a woman's best friend -- for the simple reason that not relying on a husband's or boyfriend's handouts gives her the freedom to live her life as she chooses.
But another value she (and my father) passed down was this: The amount of money someone earns is not a measure of his or her character.
How sad if, in our relationships, however casual, we stop seeing the person and see only a walking bank account (or an instrument for sex.)
I can hear the howls of protest already: 'It's my choice what I do with my body!'
That's true. But in this case you're using it for monetary gain. Whether you like it or not, that's called prostitution. The guy could be looking for a relationship, or just mutual interest in a one-night-stand. Heck, it could be only friendly conversation he's after. But putting a dollar value on any of it is a form of cynicism that will kill the fun of flirtation quicker than you can say, "three-fifty an hour." And if he isn't expecting it (say, by calling an "escort service,") he has every right to feel resentful.
Is that how we want to interact? Do we want men to suspect our motives when we show interest? Do we want them to hesitate (for the wrong reasons) before approaching us?
Women today can hold almost any job they want and get fair compensation for their work. Sexual harassment in the workplace is against the law. And all because feminists have been fighting for 100 years to convince men we're more than sex objects and baby-makers.
Let's not turn back the clock. Let's get past the idea that our bodies are mere commodities, and men should pay the price.
What we'll get in return is worth more than its weight in gold -- including a generation of available men (rich or not) who don't hate and distrust us because we're only after their money.
You can't put a price on that.
Illustration:
photo
The Chatelaine magazine story that stirred up a controversy
© Copyright 2006, Fort McMurray Today.
By LARISSA LIEPINS
Today staff
Like many of you, I read the recent October 2006 Chatelaine story, Down & Dirty in Fort McMurray, with dismay.
Not because I'm one of those knee-jerk boosters who flat-out denies we live in a utilitarian boomtown with a healthy number of male oilsands workers who stave off the long hours and loneliness by spending their fat paycheques on drugs, booze, gambling, and hookers.
In fact, when I arrived one year ago, I thought I'd never seen a downtown with less character and charm: strip malls and parking lots as far as the eye could see. And living downtown, I've witnessed many a drug deal and dodged dozens of crackheads and drunks.
But I've never felt threatened; I actually feel safer walking at night in McMurray than I do in my hometown, Toronto.
I've also learned to enjoy McMurray's many charms, like beautiful parks and trails, small-town friendliness and relief from big-city gridlock and crowds.
But back to that Chatelaine piece.
What really alarmed me was its portrayal of Fort McMurray's single women as heartless gold-diggers who won't date/bed a man until they know the size of his, ahem, salary.
In a breathtaking generalization, the reporter states that "every last guy in Fort McMurray claims to have been through a similar experience" of women bypassing the 'getting to know you' stage and heading straight for the wallet. That can't be, I thought: I know lots of single women here (all younger and prettier than I), and none is in the gold-digging business.
But my illusions were shattered last weekend at a popular restaurant's bar, when a friend-of-a-friend turned to me and asked, "You know what I hate about this f--king place?"
He had plenty of liquor in his system and gold in his pockets, he would later inform me.
"What's that?" I said, wincing.
"The fact that women, even some really f--king ugly chicks, come up to me in bars and ask where I work and how much I make."
"It's like, why the f--k would I wanna f--k you? I wanna yell!"
So it really does happen -- even to average-looking guys with no manners.
Let me be clear: At my age (in my 30s), it's been awhile since I walked into a bar and anyone did a double-take -- much less in a dance club aimed at 20-somethings like Cowboys, where the Chatelaine writer did much of his research. So, who am I to talk? What do I know about how young men and women hook up these days?
Well, I learned two things from that conversation: Apparently, some women do ask the money question. And in the process, they've helped to create at least one woman-hating creep.
God help us if there's many more like him out there.
But what the Chatelaine writer did not ask is, Why are women (who I presume are gainfully employed) doing it? What do they want, exactly, that they can't buy themselves?
It was my mother who taught me a thing or two about sex, money, and power.
To my teenaged self, she said: When you go on a date, pay your own way. If you don't, it's harder to say no if the guy demands something in return that you don't want to give.
Later, she gave the grownup version of that advice: that financial independence is a woman's best friend -- for the simple reason that not relying on a husband's or boyfriend's handouts gives her the freedom to live her life as she chooses.
But another value she (and my father) passed down was this: The amount of money someone earns is not a measure of his or her character.
How sad if, in our relationships, however casual, we stop seeing the person and see only a walking bank account (or an instrument for sex.)
I can hear the howls of protest already: 'It's my choice what I do with my body!'
That's true. But in this case you're using it for monetary gain. Whether you like it or not, that's called prostitution. The guy could be looking for a relationship, or just mutual interest in a one-night-stand. Heck, it could be only friendly conversation he's after. But putting a dollar value on any of it is a form of cynicism that will kill the fun of flirtation quicker than you can say, "three-fifty an hour." And if he isn't expecting it (say, by calling an "escort service,") he has every right to feel resentful.
Is that how we want to interact? Do we want men to suspect our motives when we show interest? Do we want them to hesitate (for the wrong reasons) before approaching us?
Women today can hold almost any job they want and get fair compensation for their work. Sexual harassment in the workplace is against the law. And all because feminists have been fighting for 100 years to convince men we're more than sex objects and baby-makers.
Let's not turn back the clock. Let's get past the idea that our bodies are mere commodities, and men should pay the price.
What we'll get in return is worth more than its weight in gold -- including a generation of available men (rich or not) who don't hate and distrust us because we're only after their money.
You can't put a price on that.
Illustration:
photo
The Chatelaine magazine story that stirred up a controversy
© Copyright 2006, Fort McMurray Today.
4 Comments:
I have lived here for over 17 years. I am a twenty something girl who goes to cowboys. I own my own place and I payed off my car. I have never asked how much someone makes, I thought my last Bf was a pizza delivery guy untill he went back to School to finish his HET trade, because I never asked. I have asked what some one drives because I am truly interested in cars. I have however come across a few nasty gold diggers here but from my experience they are not home grown, they follow a man here break up and plant roots.
it's kind of sad to see Alberta is struggling to keep the growth within the economy with the lack of a workforce. It's too bad they don't realize that in order to keep that growth going to need to provide housing that won't take away 50% of your monthly income. You know, I keep looking at all the jobs in Alberta are available in one moved there from Ontario, but only hear the horror stories of people I know but came back, state that they could not find affordable housing.a few months ago I heard of a company that was looking in Ontario to build a factory that would utilize some new technology that is supposed to revolutionize the house and industry worldwide. If I can recall, they are supposed to have some ability of manufacturers for 500 houses at day in a factory how that's possible I don't know. From my understanding these houses were supposed to be shipped around the world and used in places where natural disasters destroyed large areas such as the Southern United States Indonesia and other places.I think if the Alberta government wants to continue with the economic growth they need to look to new approaches of dealing with the root of the cause that's holding growth hostage. The province is unable to build affordable housing fast enough to the shortage of labor in almost every industry. I believe the Alberta government should be looking at this company before their product demand outstrips their production. If they can make 500 houses a day can you imagine how many people would be able move to Alberta, we might just see the economy quadrupled in size overnight. There is only one problem will that factory would be of no use if it was located in Alberta as there would not be enough workers. An idea may be Alberta should partner with the Ontario government and see about having a company locater factory in Ontario. Now that would be a win-win situation Ontario would gain jobs in Alberta would get infrastructure housing across allowing more skilled labor to move in Alberta and expand the economy. Hello out there are there any government decision-makers out there reading this. I'm not sure maybe his have heard of the company or already looked into them but just in case the company name is Ayess international industries or Ayess industries international something like that but I am sure you would be able find them somewhere on the Internet.
Get me some affordable housing and I would even consider moving to Alberta permanently.
Fort McMurray
Where do I start?
The lack of sunlight during the winter.
-40 weather in winter.
Spring arrives at the end of June.
Fall starts during the last two weeks of August (leaves start turning colours and fall off).
Ugly disgusting sounding crows everywhere.
Lack of stores so you don’t have to shop for quality items over the internet.
Lack of clean water.
Poor air quality.
An overabundance of Harley’s that emit a sound that is so jarring to the sole.
Noise of constant construction.
10 year old children (a least they look 10 years old) driving huge trucks.
Doctors that don’t know what they are doing.
Unbelievable level of corruption in the construction industry.
Ridiculously high housing and rental pricing for what would be considered garbage (someone’s shed or outhouse) in Ontario and B.C.
Is everyone in Fort McMurray either from Newfoundland or India?
What is with the ‘TESTICLES’ hanging at the back of trucks?
Why are people here willing to sell their soul for a buck?
What is with the haggling in the construction industry after the deal has been made and work completed!?
Are there more than two construction workers / trades in Fort McMurray that are actually good at what they do?
What is with the wind?!
Hmm ... there is so much more.
Why don’t I leave?
Well if it was up to me I would never have stepped foot in this pungent rectum of Canada
A woman doesn't need to be married to collect child support from a man. ( and vice versa) And the amount the man/woman (higher salary earner) has to pay is dictated by the courts based on their gross salary.
A single man who asks a woman how much she makes is also checking. If she makes more, and he gets her pregnant he doesn't have to pay her any child support.
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